Silent Hill Revelation 3D: A Review

Last Friday, Megh, my friend Ian, and I were hanging out at an All Hallowe's Eve party, (Halloween for the uninformed) when got it into our heads to see the premier of Silent Hill Revelation. The trailer had been playing on loop the entire evening where we were and I guess the subliminal advertising finally got to us.

After playing around in traffic for a while, you know, doing wheelies and stuff since we took two cars and ended up driving next to each other, we made it to the theater. The three of us were still dressed in our party costumes; Ian was a Hobbit and Megh and I were both dressed as escaped asylum patients, which is funny because Ian is a foot taller than either of us, and with our masks off Megh and I looked more like butchers or very sloppy house painters.

I'm not sure who would be worse to meet in a dark alley.

Upon approaching the ticket stand, if you still call them that because this isn't the 50's, Ian immediately asked the ticket-stander for one ticket for The Hobbit in 3D, his face falling when the ticket-ticketer-guy informed him the movie would not be out for several months. We all had a good laugh and told them we would settle for the midnight premiere of Silent Hill, then went in and stalled for time by looking at the popcorn we were all too poor to purchase. With thirty minutes before the movie started, I figured I would kill four or five minutes by emptying out my contents in the nearest bathroom. As a natural-born World of Warcraft-player, my bladder can hold nearly six quarts of urine before I even begin to get that  tingling have-to-go sensation.

The restrooms were deserted, the premier having garnered the attention of exactly three people. Now, here is where I have to stop for a bit. You see, Silent Hill was really terrible. Really, really terrible. But the movie was so bad that I have already forgotten it. So instead

Rave Motion Pictures Yorktown 15 Cinema Bathrooms: A Review

The restrooms belonged to one Rave Motion Pictures, a theater known for being "edgy" and "fresh" and "hip", with bathrooms to match. I was there at off-peak hours, but with closing time so close it was likely that they hadn't been cleaned for a few hours. Most cinemas choose to wait until the moviegoers leave before they have the final wipe-down of the day, a trait I share with them. I feel like I really got the full restroom experience with this one, so let's begin with:

Atmosphere 3/10

 Upon entering, the first thing I noticed were the lime green walls and navy blue stalls. The floor was covered in an offwhite tile with flecks of brown and blue in it. The color scheme was very abrupt and a little disconcerting, I had a bowel movement to make and I wasn't certain if I would be comfortable in a place so visually assaulting.. They were trying to put a bright neon veneer on old-world charm, and failing. The classy blue stalls and the stainless steel sinks went poorly with the bright fluorescent lighting and brighter green walls. It was chaotic, and that was the biggest problem. It's hard to be classy and edgy at the same time. They really need to pick one and go with it; offend one group of people instead of everyone with eyes. I would also like to note that it was dead silent in the stalls. Out in the lobby area the air was full of sounds from the arcade, even when it was empty, but in the restrooms they really needed some sort of ambiance. I was expecting a chain-wielding rapist to pop out of a trash can and go to town. But then I guess I usually am.

Cleanliness 9/10 

After shaking off the initial decorative terror, the next thing I noticed was how clean everything was. The air smelled of bleach, that oh so familiar and comforting smell. Bleach has always smelled like victory to me. Victory over microbes that would stop at nothing to do us harm.
There were no puddles on the floor, no water around the sink, no paper litter, and most importantly no offal to be seen. Hooray!
The stall that I used was well supplied with toilet paper and even seat covers, although they were not needed as the seat was clean.

Ease of Use 8/10 

Being the bathroom critic that I am, I took it as my right to use the handicap stall so that I could live the full restroom experience. It was very spacious and the walls nearest the toilet were festooned with several handrails. The toilet was equipped with a motion sensor that accurately flushed when I was done. The faucets were a trouble though, they were motion-activated too, but only while your hands were directly underneath the faucet head and not moving too much. I had a hard time washing my hands. Oddly enough, they had no air dryers to speak of, Jet Towel or otherwise, and the paper towel dispenser was NOT motion activated, which threw the whole thing out of whack.

Total Score: 6.6/10, Not the Ritz, but would go again.

Stay Fanatic, you folks.